My thoughts on weight and weight loss

I have struggled with being overweight my entire life. Well, actually since I was about 9 years old. During the summer between 2nd and 3rd grade I gained about 20 pounds. Now, that was in, like, 1976 and back in the day, fat kids were just considered lazy. The answer to their weight problem was to get them moving and cut them off from every good tasting morsel of food found on planet Earth.

Cold turkey. No chocolate. No bacon. Nooooooooooooooooooooo mashed potatoes. It was all "bad." My own penchant was an inexplicable love of ketchup sandwiches. Wonder bread, ketchup, and love. That was a ketchup sandwich. The thought of one now makes my stomach turn. However, when I ventured out into my own apartment, I spent many a meal with wonder bread, cheese, and ketchup. Yikes. That just sounds gross, doesn't it?

But, I still eat it. I also eat broccoli now...and I love it. Am I skinny? Nope. I also really and truly enjoy a nice salad every now and then. Am I healthier? Maybe, but I dunno.

I was taught that, as a fat child, I couldn't enjoy food. Food that tasted good was not good for me. It's not just chocolate, it's all sugar. It's not just dinner rolls, it's all bread. That changed to all white bread, then it was all bread unless it was whole wheat, and finally, it went to if it has too many carbs, it's bad. Hey folks! I like bread. ALL kinds of bread. It's not the bread. It's eating 4 portions of it at a sitting!

I have done the yoyo diet thing throughout the years too. I was on Jenny Craig and lost 50 pounds. I quit when my consultant asked me why I was still there. I didn't "get" how to feed myself and lost my weight eating Jenny's food. I guess they didn't want any more of my money, eh?
I was involved with a religious weight loss group called the "Weigh Down Workshop." I lost about 20+ pounds in a couple of months and didn't gain any weight with my last pregnancy by following the principle of eating when I was hungry and stopping when I was satisfied.

If that sounds overly simplistic, don't discount it. I am not affiliated with Weigh Down anymore because I do not agree with the degree of fanaticism that developed in the group's founder, Gwen Shamblin. However, I still think the original principles are sound.
Eat when your TUMMY is growling, not because it's time to eat or because you are bored. Stop eating, WHATEVER YOU WANT, when you feel satisfied. That doesn't mean to the point of having to unbutton your pants to leave the table, but when that hunger signal is gone.

I know that I still overeat for a lot of reasons and in a lot of ways. I have used food to self-medicate for most of my adult life. In fact, I can remember when I wouldn't take Tylenol or Advil for a headache because, "I'm not poppin' pills." I'd say that and turn around and eat to make my headache go away. I ate when I had a cold. I ate when I had allergies. I ate to make my menstrual cramps go away. I don't hesitate to equate my food addiction with drug/alcohol addiction. I lost a cousin to an overdose. She used pain meds, I use food.

I'm now in my early 40's and I take at least half a dozen pills every day for pain and chronic allergies. Eating to feel better just doesn't work anymore. I am facing knee surgery within the next few months and back surgery in the next few years. I've carried too much extra weight for too long and it's taken its toll.

I wish I could tell you that all my problems are solved and that I eat normal portions only when I am truly hungry all the time and that I exercise on a regular basis, but I don't. I eat when I'm bored or feeling sorry for myself. I eat as soon as the kids are in their beds asleep, because that's "my" time. I eat because it's time to eat. I eat when a hamburger commercial on television makes me think I am hungry. I overeat.

Will I ever stop? Prolly when I'm dead. Do I like that prospect? Not one bit.

This post wasn't meant to self-defeat. I am currently a member of TOPS #176 Wa in Newport. I am accountable for my weight each time I weigh in and I try to weigh in every week. That includes those weeks when I KNOW that I have gained weight. Each week that light bulb in my head gets a little brighter and all of the accumulated knowledge from all these years of weight loss attempts comes back to me. I am more aware of what I eat and why I eat. I am PAINFULLY aware of my exercise or lack thereof. I hope I see a normal weight on that scale before I die. I hope my kids don't have to repeat my misery.

Life on Elk Meadows is, well, isn't hungry. ;)

The Yuck and Crud

So, I'm not quite "flying" yet. I'm dressed to the shoes and my sink was shiny at one point. However, the swine flu has hit us hard around here. YUCK.

On the bright side, my scale says that I've lost 4 pounds. Heh. Let's see if that lasts. I must say that I am hopeful. :)

Life on Elk Meadows is feverish and coughing. :p

I'm Flying!

Ever heard of Fly Lady?

I've decided to start flying. :) Either that or I'm high. LOL!

So, with that, Life on Elk Meadows is taking some baby steps.

Significant date

It will be hard to miss all of the remembrance stuff today on TV, the interwebs, and, if they are still available where you live, newspapers. I know where I was and I'm sure you know exactly what you were thinking when you found out about the attacks.

But, I'm not here to talk about that.

I'm here to tell you about the two other reasons that this date holds some very sad memories for me.

10 years ago today, I lost my oldest daughter. I never got to hold her or see her face, but I feel that emptiness, nonetheless. I was in the hospital at 5 in the morning, bleeding. My son, Rodney, wasn't even walking yet. Thankfully, my parents' met me there, because my husband was at work.

I remember the doctors sending me to the ultrasound and the look on the tech's face as she told me there was no heartbeat. I remember feeling so brave and logical. It's okay. If this was a part of God's plan, then so be it. I would be okay. I could get pregnant again, right?

And then, when I was left alone in the examination room, it hit me. I had failed. I knew I had done something to harm that child within me. I instantly felt empty.

At least I had family to support me and love me through that pain. I spent that day with my parents; attending my nephew's birthday party at Chuck E Cheese later that same day.

It's that nephew that brings me to my second sadness today. That nephew turns 17 today, but due to a downright nasty divorce, I will probably have very little contact with him for the rest of my life. I may not be happy with him or his little sister right now, but the thought of missing out on their lives breaks my heart.

So, today, Life on Elk Meadows is full of melancholy.

A Cry for Pie

Once again, I have spent a few days away from the computer composing the "Blog of the Century" in my head, only to have it completely disappear the moment I sit down to type.

The subjects over which I would like to elucidate are religion vs. relationship, parenting, the uglies of divorce, and possibly pie. Why pie? Well, frankly, pie is the most interesting of all the aforementioned subjects. Pie is good.

Now, don't get me wrong. Cake is lovely and chocolate chip cookies are divine. I truly have shown my affection for both cake and cookies all too often in the past 40 years. However, cake is mainly reserved for birthdays and cookies belong in a lunch pail. Pie is for dessert.

Pie is sweet, but it doesn't have to be overly so. It can be made of fruit or cream or both! Pie can be served after a formal dinner or a family picnic. Pie can even be serve AS dinner! Such versatility is so hard to find and yet here it is. Pie.

I do not advocate savory pie in any form, but you cannot deny its popularity. Shepherd's Pie, Chicken Pot Pie, Pizza Pie. Okay, Pizza Pie is stretching it, but you get my drift. Pie is truly universal!

Calzones are pie in my book. Crust on all sides, filled, and baked? Sounds like pie to me. If I ate it, I could probably argue that Dim Sum was a form of pie too. I'm sure I read somewhere that the name Dim Sum meant "little pie bites." No? Oh don't be so sure.

As you can see, pie is on my mind. Better there, than on my hips. Right?




In closing, that means that Life on Elk Meadows is flakey, crusty, and fruity; all at the same time. Just like Pie!

Monday, Monday...

So, the hubby left for Florida yesterday and we are on our own again. Been there. Done that.

My fingers aren't working very well today. This post may be quite small.

Anyway, with the "Man" gone and PMS on it's way, this week could shape up to be EXPLOSIVE! hehehe Okay, maybe not. I did spend a few moments this weekend pondering the ponderable's and writing the-most-scintillating-blog-you've-ever-read in my head. Unfortunately, now that I am here, I've got nothing. Nothing.

And considering that no one else on the interwebs is reading this, I should take advantage and really, really write what's on my mind.

Still nothing. How sad is that?

OH WAIT! I know....

Life on Elk Meadows is....

sunny with a chance of screaming banshee today. :) Cheers!

Today

I am so tired of Asperger's.

'nuff said.

So this is how it's done...

I have not blogged forever...for good reason. Well, okay, that was a few years ago and a lot of water has passed under that bridge.

Never good to hold grudges, huh?

So, here I am! *waving* Hi! (faint echo in the distance) Hello?

I guess I'd better start inviting people...