Podcasting

I have entered the world of podcasting. :)

You can listen to me here.

It's mostly me yammerin' on and on about the autism stuff. Hope you like it!

This is Halloween

This is my oldest. His name is Rodney. He has Asperger's Syndrome. He likes steampunk.

I were inspired to create this costume for him because of Jen's love of steampunk. Jen is the author of Cake Wrecks and Epbot; two of our very favorite blogs. There aren't enough words to express just how much her blogs have brightened my days. As evidenced by my last post, life around here has been rough. If you've never checked out her blogs, DO SO NOW! Anyway, I am posting this to show her. :) Dunno if she will see it. If not, that's okay. My son is happy and I am thankful.

For the record, he was asked multiple times what he was and if he was Willie Wonka. LOL! We kinda thought that the Willie Wonka explanation worked pretty well. ;)

Today, Life on Elk Meadows is thinking...hmmmm, Gene Wilder or Johnny Depp?

The hole in my bathroom wall

I kicked a hole in my bathroom wall this morning.

I didn't really mean to, but I did. Got mad and reacted. Plain and simple, huh?

Not really. Our oldest son is autistic. I have been in denial for a long time and I would be lying if I said I like to admit it. I am trying to help him, but I fail miserably. Every day.

So, this morning, after lunches were half-finished, the oldest is soaking his extremely infected toe, same child gagging while he tried to take his meds, same child having to completely change his clothes, same child not having a clue or a care where his homework is or if it is done, same child spending almost the entire morning telling me about The Legend of Zelda, AND the youngest not getting out of bed 30 minutes after I turned her light on, AND then the middle child asking me to come to school so he can read the poem he was supposed to bring home last night. If I say no, how can he not feel slighted when I am at school constantly for his big brother.

So, when the hairbrush flew out of my hand while I was trying to brush the youngest's hair, I kicked the bathroom wall.

Life on Elk Meadows has drywall repair in the near future...

Where've You Been?

I'm baaaack!

Sorry for the absence. Life is, well, life. I haven't had any life changing experiences or major issues. That's good, right?

Yeah. It is good, but it is also boooooorrrrring! Unfortunately, for all of us, I am not a creative writer and cannot regale you with witty repartee on any kind of basis, regular or otherwise. Sorry.

So, today I will leave you with one thought....

My kids' last day of school is Wednesday. I AM SO NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO SUMMER. Sad? Mean? Truthful. They constantly bicker and they drive me nuts.

There. I said it and I feel better. Thanks for that.

Life on Elk Meadows is enjoying these last few hours of peace and quiet.

Overwhelmed...more like whiny

Why is it that whenever life seems to smooth out, even just a bit, something comes in and wrecks it?

Maybe I was just blind to all these issues that have suddenly appeared and complicated my life or was it that I was a proverbial ostrich with my head in the sand? I can't say.

So, yesterday wasn't such a good day.

My family received some awful news. It was the kind of news that hits you in the stomach and leaves you wanting to throw up. We've had news like this before and, at that time, it was compounded some months later by a terrible injustice in another family member's life.

Two words. Cancer. Divorce. They both suck and they both suck hard.

On top of all of that, my son is autistic and that is all kinds of wonderful right now. NOT. He started with a new therapist and she is great, but it's almost too labor intensive for me right now. His next appointment is tomorrow and I have that dread that you get when you know you're in trouble or your homework isn't done.

I also have two other kids who are both brewing colds. My youngest has missed almost two weeks of school due to various illnesses this year and she can't miss anymore. Did I mention that I have a sore throat, too? Yeah. Yippee.

The husband left for Utah this week and we'll be lucky if we get to see him again in April. Honestly, all of this kid/husband stuff is what I deal with on a daily basis. It is that cancer news that has knocked me for a loop.

:fyi:

My oldest brother was diagnosed with colon cancer in 2007. He went under the knife and did the chemo/radiation thing. He was in the clear until November 2009. They found a weird round thing on or near his diaphragm. Biopsy was inconclusive because the docs couldn't get a good grip on it to get a chunk of it for testing. So, a couple of weeks ago, he went back for another scan to check on that weird round thing. It was a bit bigger and the cancer markers in his blood have doubled.

so. not. good.

They did another biopsy last week and the results yesterday were...well, you know what they were. So, now he has to endure more scans to actually find where this cancer has set up shop. The weird round thingy turned out to be two lymph nodes stuck together and floating around near his diaphragm.

I so wish I was funny, because that could be a very good setup to a joke about the love boat. But, I digress.

The docs give him the worst case scenario that it is in his lymphatic system; hence the sucker punch.

I feel bad for feeling bad. Is that survivor's guilt? I feel like crying and then I think, "How dare you cry! You do not have cancer! You need to stop it, ya big crybaby!" Then I remember that if my brother dies, my mother will quite probably go insane or lose her desire to live. (M a y b e I am overreacting with that statement...but I doubt it.) That opens up a whole 'nother can of worms.

I have a brother and a sister (the victim of the divorce drama that never seems to end) who live closer to my parents than I do. Unfortunately, they don't seem to grasp the seriousness of the situation. Ok. Wait.

I know they get it. That was unfair to say. I think what I mean is that they are not overreacting to this. They are more like, "Cancer sucks. Move on."

Is it okay to say that? I have said it. I just said it to my sister, but then I broke down thinking about my brother's sons and how they may lose their father. I think about the one away at college without a car and the other in the middle of his junior year of high school.

Do I wallow or do I live my life? Can I do both? Should I do both?

All of this drama has given me lots of excuses. Excuses to sit at the computer and blog all day, eat everything in sight, and cry.

Today, life on Elk Meadows is whiny with a chance of introspective.

My thoughts on weight and weight loss

I have struggled with being overweight my entire life. Well, actually since I was about 9 years old. During the summer between 2nd and 3rd grade I gained about 20 pounds. Now, that was in, like, 1976 and back in the day, fat kids were just considered lazy. The answer to their weight problem was to get them moving and cut them off from every good tasting morsel of food found on planet Earth.

Cold turkey. No chocolate. No bacon. Nooooooooooooooooooooo mashed potatoes. It was all "bad." My own penchant was an inexplicable love of ketchup sandwiches. Wonder bread, ketchup, and love. That was a ketchup sandwich. The thought of one now makes my stomach turn. However, when I ventured out into my own apartment, I spent many a meal with wonder bread, cheese, and ketchup. Yikes. That just sounds gross, doesn't it?

But, I still eat it. I also eat broccoli now...and I love it. Am I skinny? Nope. I also really and truly enjoy a nice salad every now and then. Am I healthier? Maybe, but I dunno.

I was taught that, as a fat child, I couldn't enjoy food. Food that tasted good was not good for me. It's not just chocolate, it's all sugar. It's not just dinner rolls, it's all bread. That changed to all white bread, then it was all bread unless it was whole wheat, and finally, it went to if it has too many carbs, it's bad. Hey folks! I like bread. ALL kinds of bread. It's not the bread. It's eating 4 portions of it at a sitting!

I have done the yoyo diet thing throughout the years too. I was on Jenny Craig and lost 50 pounds. I quit when my consultant asked me why I was still there. I didn't "get" how to feed myself and lost my weight eating Jenny's food. I guess they didn't want any more of my money, eh?
I was involved with a religious weight loss group called the "Weigh Down Workshop." I lost about 20+ pounds in a couple of months and didn't gain any weight with my last pregnancy by following the principle of eating when I was hungry and stopping when I was satisfied.

If that sounds overly simplistic, don't discount it. I am not affiliated with Weigh Down anymore because I do not agree with the degree of fanaticism that developed in the group's founder, Gwen Shamblin. However, I still think the original principles are sound.
Eat when your TUMMY is growling, not because it's time to eat or because you are bored. Stop eating, WHATEVER YOU WANT, when you feel satisfied. That doesn't mean to the point of having to unbutton your pants to leave the table, but when that hunger signal is gone.

I know that I still overeat for a lot of reasons and in a lot of ways. I have used food to self-medicate for most of my adult life. In fact, I can remember when I wouldn't take Tylenol or Advil for a headache because, "I'm not poppin' pills." I'd say that and turn around and eat to make my headache go away. I ate when I had a cold. I ate when I had allergies. I ate to make my menstrual cramps go away. I don't hesitate to equate my food addiction with drug/alcohol addiction. I lost a cousin to an overdose. She used pain meds, I use food.

I'm now in my early 40's and I take at least half a dozen pills every day for pain and chronic allergies. Eating to feel better just doesn't work anymore. I am facing knee surgery within the next few months and back surgery in the next few years. I've carried too much extra weight for too long and it's taken its toll.

I wish I could tell you that all my problems are solved and that I eat normal portions only when I am truly hungry all the time and that I exercise on a regular basis, but I don't. I eat when I'm bored or feeling sorry for myself. I eat as soon as the kids are in their beds asleep, because that's "my" time. I eat because it's time to eat. I eat when a hamburger commercial on television makes me think I am hungry. I overeat.

Will I ever stop? Prolly when I'm dead. Do I like that prospect? Not one bit.

This post wasn't meant to self-defeat. I am currently a member of TOPS #176 Wa in Newport. I am accountable for my weight each time I weigh in and I try to weigh in every week. That includes those weeks when I KNOW that I have gained weight. Each week that light bulb in my head gets a little brighter and all of the accumulated knowledge from all these years of weight loss attempts comes back to me. I am more aware of what I eat and why I eat. I am PAINFULLY aware of my exercise or lack thereof. I hope I see a normal weight on that scale before I die. I hope my kids don't have to repeat my misery.

Life on Elk Meadows is, well, isn't hungry. ;)

The Yuck and Crud

So, I'm not quite "flying" yet. I'm dressed to the shoes and my sink was shiny at one point. However, the swine flu has hit us hard around here. YUCK.

On the bright side, my scale says that I've lost 4 pounds. Heh. Let's see if that lasts. I must say that I am hopeful. :)

Life on Elk Meadows is feverish and coughing. :p